So, as indicated by the title, it is March. February is over. And, while I know it is naturally a short month, this one just flew by really quickly. Not much new is happening with me. I mean, I am starting to get a little tired of my job. Its fun, but monotonous. It doesnt require thinking, and I need something that is mentally stimulating.
On the girl side. Well, I am back to square one, as oft I am. But, while I do get lonely, I think I am starting to become okay with it. Not the being lonely part, but being content with singleness. Granted, that could change tomorrow, but, really, this year I am trying a lot, asking people out and chasing girls. I am actually starting to have some skills. Granted not many, but a few. If I would have been like this earlier, then, well, everything would be completely different.
But, you know what. I really wouldn't change much if I could. I wish I could be one that could say there is nothing I wish I could have changed with my life. Granted, all of my experiences made me what I am today, and that is pretty darn good. But, I mean, wondering what could have been different if you did something different and if it would have helped out my life, or someone else's life. I mean, that thought it there. So, maybe I dont know if I would change it, but knowing what I now know, I think in retrospect, I could see how it would benefit me. What, there is the song that says "I wish that I knew what I know now When I was younger. I wish that I knew what I know now When I was stronger." Its true.
But, life is going on, and I really have no complaints.
Peace
E
Monday, March 1, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
February is half done. It is already the middle of February. Wow. I cant believe it.
So, quick update on all that is my life... ok, well not all, but a brief glimpse into it. I really wish I could just write a good post sometime, but when ever I feel like posting something, I am not in the mood for writing something.
So, I now am getting a new confidence about myself, and this one is with girls. Anyone that knows me, or even that has read the few posts before, knows that it is one thing that often gets me. Well, I have learned a lot, and now, there is a girl that I really don't want to mess up with. Not only is she really pretty, but she is funny and quirky and has many of the same interests as me. I have seen her several times, and even asked her out, though that is still in limbo. I'd love to just say that I am pretty new at this, and am a little socially awkward about it, so at least she would know why I am like I am. But at least as of right now, I am doing decently I think. But instead of trying to be different, I am just being me. I think that is one of the problems that I often faced. I wanted to be who I thought a girl would want me to be, instead of being me. So this new confidence is long over due, but it feels good.
Along with that, I think I am pretty good looking now too. I was always a bit self conscious about my looks. But really, I think I am getting decent looking. Instead of looking older then I should, I am now looking like a person my age should, and I think me carrying the confidence helps too. I now see guys and instead of being intimidated thinking they look better then me, I think I look better, or at least equal to them.
So, even though this year is only 1.5 months in, already do I feel like I have matured quite a bit, and am getting more into the rhythm of my life.
Anyway, for Lent this year, I am making it a difficult one for me. I am giving up all soda pop (including my love, Dr. Pepper), I am not going to eat Beef or Pork, I will stop drinking white wine, and though I do not indulge often, adult pictures are no more either. I am also going to go to church at least once a week (whether it be Catholic or the non-denominational Christian church that I sometimes go to). This Lent I am going to focus on improving myself as a person in both physical and mental health. While some of these things are not necessarily in line with my live life to the fullest new years idea, it is something to at least challenge me.
My job is still going pretty good. I am starting to feel like there isnt much room for advancement. I dont like that feeling very much. Granted, I have only been doing it for 2 months. I need to focus on the present and not on the future. That is kind of hard for me. But, we will see.
Ok, so that is just a brief update on the state of me. I may sometime actually do a long post about everything, but as of now, hopefully this suffices.
Peace to all
E
So, quick update on all that is my life... ok, well not all, but a brief glimpse into it. I really wish I could just write a good post sometime, but when ever I feel like posting something, I am not in the mood for writing something.
So, I now am getting a new confidence about myself, and this one is with girls. Anyone that knows me, or even that has read the few posts before, knows that it is one thing that often gets me. Well, I have learned a lot, and now, there is a girl that I really don't want to mess up with. Not only is she really pretty, but she is funny and quirky and has many of the same interests as me. I have seen her several times, and even asked her out, though that is still in limbo. I'd love to just say that I am pretty new at this, and am a little socially awkward about it, so at least she would know why I am like I am. But at least as of right now, I am doing decently I think. But instead of trying to be different, I am just being me. I think that is one of the problems that I often faced. I wanted to be who I thought a girl would want me to be, instead of being me. So this new confidence is long over due, but it feels good.
Along with that, I think I am pretty good looking now too. I was always a bit self conscious about my looks. But really, I think I am getting decent looking. Instead of looking older then I should, I am now looking like a person my age should, and I think me carrying the confidence helps too. I now see guys and instead of being intimidated thinking they look better then me, I think I look better, or at least equal to them.
So, even though this year is only 1.5 months in, already do I feel like I have matured quite a bit, and am getting more into the rhythm of my life.
Anyway, for Lent this year, I am making it a difficult one for me. I am giving up all soda pop (including my love, Dr. Pepper), I am not going to eat Beef or Pork, I will stop drinking white wine, and though I do not indulge often, adult pictures are no more either. I am also going to go to church at least once a week (whether it be Catholic or the non-denominational Christian church that I sometimes go to). This Lent I am going to focus on improving myself as a person in both physical and mental health. While some of these things are not necessarily in line with my live life to the fullest new years idea, it is something to at least challenge me.
My job is still going pretty good. I am starting to feel like there isnt much room for advancement. I dont like that feeling very much. Granted, I have only been doing it for 2 months. I need to focus on the present and not on the future. That is kind of hard for me. But, we will see.
Ok, so that is just a brief update on the state of me. I may sometime actually do a long post about everything, but as of now, hopefully this suffices.
Peace to all
E
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Just a thought...
Wow, so it has been a while... and wow. Things are going pretty great.
I am now 25... yay. Wow. I am a quarter of a century old. I have been 25 for a week.
But ya, I dont know.
Some things are starting to click in to place a little. I dont know, I am just feeling good. My place and my job. And just me in total. Not that I was ever out of place, but I dont know.
There is a lot to say, but really nothing at all interesting to say. I just have really good feelings about 2010. One month down, and it has been a good fun month. I have learned a lot, and started breaking down walls. It's good.
I think I am starting to get some priorities set. I am also learning my quirkiness is not something to hide, that me being me is the best way for me to be.
Anyway, I may post a longer post or something longer then this. But this is just my closing out January post.
I am now 25... yay. Wow. I am a quarter of a century old. I have been 25 for a week.
But ya, I dont know.
Some things are starting to click in to place a little. I dont know, I am just feeling good. My place and my job. And just me in total. Not that I was ever out of place, but I dont know.
There is a lot to say, but really nothing at all interesting to say. I just have really good feelings about 2010. One month down, and it has been a good fun month. I have learned a lot, and started breaking down walls. It's good.
I think I am starting to get some priorities set. I am also learning my quirkiness is not something to hide, that me being me is the best way for me to be.
Anyway, I may post a longer post or something longer then this. But this is just my closing out January post.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Running
So, today I went out and spent more money on running equipment then I have ever done in my life. The biggest accomplishment. New Shoes. Granted, I have purchased new running shoes before. The shoes that I bought this time, while being more expensive then the normal pair of shoes of any type that I ever buy, but the lady at the running shop looked at my feet, the wear on my shoes, and how I walk and jogged to help me pick out the right type and size of shoe for me. I overpronate when I run and I have flat feet. I knew both of these things. But these shoes are for people with the same problem. Needless to say I am excited to try them out.
I also purchased some running cloths. I mean, shorts and tees are good for warm weather, but when it is 20 degs outside, you need something to keep you kinda warm. Tomorrow will be the test if it actually works, or if I wasted money. But, the stuff that I have that is warm, is not stuff to run in. The stuff that I have to run in, is not warm. Hopefully this is both.
I am anxious to see if I keep up with it this time. I think I will. Last time, I started running with no goal other then to lose weight and get in shape. Now, I am running for more. I am running to better myself in all aspects.
I am waking up early tomorrow to go on the first run. New neighborhood, new clothes, new shoes, new outlook.
I am not running for speed, I am running for me.
I also purchased some running cloths. I mean, shorts and tees are good for warm weather, but when it is 20 degs outside, you need something to keep you kinda warm. Tomorrow will be the test if it actually works, or if I wasted money. But, the stuff that I have that is warm, is not stuff to run in. The stuff that I have to run in, is not warm. Hopefully this is both.
I am anxious to see if I keep up with it this time. I think I will. Last time, I started running with no goal other then to lose weight and get in shape. Now, I am running for more. I am running to better myself in all aspects.
I am waking up early tomorrow to go on the first run. New neighborhood, new clothes, new shoes, new outlook.
I am not running for speed, I am running for me.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wonder...
So, I have started to go to church again. I am at least trying. It is more like something that I occasionally went to in college called overflow. Overflow was just a bunch of young adults meeting for fellowship. That is what this is more or less. Fellowship is one thing that I have not been getting out here in NY. And part of my New Years trying goal is to live life more fully, and this may help me toward that.
Anyway, the preacher man, I'd say probably in his 30's was talking. First he was talking about how much marketing there was, and how it was directed to kids, and how research is done for that reason. I found it interesting. I already knew about it, but just in his context, it was interesting. He also talked about how the disney princesses were, and what they showed girls to be like, and what the Disney prince characters told boys. I started laughing.
I know this is kind of a cynical view of it, but looking to what I have said, not only in the first entries of this blog, but also what I have said in life, it actually seems to be pretty true, as sad as that is.
And then he was talking about the stages of life. Not like puberty and adolescence, but more the feelings with ages. It was Wonder, Reality, Love, and then Death. This really got me. As of recently, I have been trying to get out of the reality and into the love stage. That is where you start trying to find someone to date, and that you can share with. That is something that I do want. I am not very good at it. After some encouragement, I partially hinted about taking a girl out. Well, needless to say, I was pretty much shot down. An experience I am far too familiar with. I never know when, how, and if I should make a move. It is the friend zone conundrum. I am just as guilty too, because I really value friendships. So, it kinda sucks, but then Chumbawumba's Tubthumping comes to mind.
But that is not the point of this post. He was talking about how little kids see wonder in everything, and get joy out of everything. Even the littlest things brighten up kids, and open their eyes and minds to new experiences. While I do admit that I still get starry eyed and look at things with wonder, I still also get cynical and bored with things. This idea of wonder. He was talking about how his kids would do anything to be able to go sledding. He then spoke of how he viewed sledding. The kids saw the wonder and the joy, and he saw the cold and the repetition of it.
This really did strike a cord with me. I miss finding wonder in everything. I really do. Sometimes I know too much, or think too much for my own good. I get a jaded world view. I want to be able to look at things and find joy in the experience of them. Lets take the NYC subway for example. They are amazing. They transport nearly 5 million people a day. They are nearly a hundred years old. There is new technology to keep people safe and costs down always coming out. It is an amazing system. But sometimes, instead of looking at these giant steel cars roaring through the musty tunnels of old new york, I see them as a pain. I complain about them taking too long, being too crowded, or just as a ride. Though sometimes I see them and I, I dont know, I feel so small but in awe. I think of all of those that ride it, the history and everything...
There are so many things that I see and experience everyday, and I do not look at is as anything more then what it is.
I am going to try to start seeing the world through more wonderful eyes. Where I see the world it is amazingness. Where I remember to get the joy from the little things. Where I try to see it through a child's eyes, so I can see more then what is really there.
Anyway, off to work.
Anyway, the preacher man, I'd say probably in his 30's was talking. First he was talking about how much marketing there was, and how it was directed to kids, and how research is done for that reason. I found it interesting. I already knew about it, but just in his context, it was interesting. He also talked about how the disney princesses were, and what they showed girls to be like, and what the Disney prince characters told boys. I started laughing.
I know this is kind of a cynical view of it, but looking to what I have said, not only in the first entries of this blog, but also what I have said in life, it actually seems to be pretty true, as sad as that is.
And then he was talking about the stages of life. Not like puberty and adolescence, but more the feelings with ages. It was Wonder, Reality, Love, and then Death. This really got me. As of recently, I have been trying to get out of the reality and into the love stage. That is where you start trying to find someone to date, and that you can share with. That is something that I do want. I am not very good at it. After some encouragement, I partially hinted about taking a girl out. Well, needless to say, I was pretty much shot down. An experience I am far too familiar with. I never know when, how, and if I should make a move. It is the friend zone conundrum. I am just as guilty too, because I really value friendships. So, it kinda sucks, but then Chumbawumba's Tubthumping comes to mind.
But that is not the point of this post. He was talking about how little kids see wonder in everything, and get joy out of everything. Even the littlest things brighten up kids, and open their eyes and minds to new experiences. While I do admit that I still get starry eyed and look at things with wonder, I still also get cynical and bored with things. This idea of wonder. He was talking about how his kids would do anything to be able to go sledding. He then spoke of how he viewed sledding. The kids saw the wonder and the joy, and he saw the cold and the repetition of it.
This really did strike a cord with me. I miss finding wonder in everything. I really do. Sometimes I know too much, or think too much for my own good. I get a jaded world view. I want to be able to look at things and find joy in the experience of them. Lets take the NYC subway for example. They are amazing. They transport nearly 5 million people a day. They are nearly a hundred years old. There is new technology to keep people safe and costs down always coming out. It is an amazing system. But sometimes, instead of looking at these giant steel cars roaring through the musty tunnels of old new york, I see them as a pain. I complain about them taking too long, being too crowded, or just as a ride. Though sometimes I see them and I, I dont know, I feel so small but in awe. I think of all of those that ride it, the history and everything...
There are so many things that I see and experience everyday, and I do not look at is as anything more then what it is.
I am going to try to start seeing the world through more wonderful eyes. Where I see the world it is amazingness. Where I remember to get the joy from the little things. Where I try to see it through a child's eyes, so I can see more then what is really there.
Anyway, off to work.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Hum
Sometimes, I dont know.
Sometimes you try, you hope, and well, it doesn't matter.
Maybe I should take what my last post was about, and actually listen. But then again, sometimes, well...
Sometimes you try, you hope, and well, it doesn't matter.
Maybe I should take what my last post was about, and actually listen. But then again, sometimes, well...
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Discouragement
Discouragement... Sadly I have noticed that I get discouraged rather easily. Not with everything. I can be very persistent, almost to a fault sometimes. But in other things, I get discouraged at the slightest hint or bump in the road. Sometimes that too, to a fault.
I was recently talking to a friend about dating. This is one of the things I am horribly at fault of getting discouraged to easily. I can talk myself out of it before I even start. I know nothing good comes easy and that things are worth fighting for. And believe me, I would happily fight for these things. But, for me, there is so much heartache and past pains, that it is difficult for me to put my self on the line. I fear the rejection, and instead of assuming success when I ask, I assume failure. That makes it so hard for me. I know women like confidence. I understand that. I have confidence in everything but that, and yet, that is what they base it off of. So, I get discouraged.
Even if I start something, and there is a bump, or i get a feeling they may not be interested, I give up and never follow through. I know I have missed opportunities because of this. I also have the problem of thinking dating is more then dating. I get so caught in the romantic side of life, I forget about the real side. People go on lots of dates with lots of people, then if there is someone they like, they go on lots of dates before they are a couple.
I admit, that I have the prince charming fantasy too. Not that a prince charming comes and gets me, but I am that prince charming, and I find the beautiful princess, and I take her and ride off into the sunset. Girls have their idea of a prince charming (probably not a bald guy that is growing a beard-for warmth), but Guys have their ideas of princesses too. Though the sad reality is that most of what guys consider princesses are totally the opposite, and the guys that girls want to believe are the prince charming are just assholes with a pretty face that dont care. That discourages me too. I may not fit that look mold of a prince, but I am that romantic prince at heart. I would sweep a woman off her feet.
That is another thing I am working on changing. If there is something that I want, or some girl I want to date or take out, I am going to try to not stop trying to, until I know it is time to stop trying to (how will I know... well, I am sure I'll figure it out). I am going to try to not let the little road blocks get in my way and discourage me like I always have in the past. I am going to try to not let my mind think the worst. I am going to try to think positively and assume a yes. I am a pretty good guy and I need to stop thinking I'd be lucky to have her, but she'd be lucky to have me... Ok, well, thats not how I really feel, I think it goes both ways, in which we'd be lucky to have eachother.
I need to be like Will Smith in Hitch. Heck, I could use a Hitch. Someone to help show me the error of my ways. I have had guys tell me that they'd take me out and help me get laid...But unlike a lot of guys, thats not what I want. If I wanted to do that, I probably could. People can do what suits them, and that is fine by me. Men and women. That is just not what I am wanting right now.
Back to the topic, discouragement. I am going to try to take the dis out of discourage. Then I will have the courage to follow through... in romance, business, and life.
Final Thought. It is funny. People always say that a woman wants the bad boy when she is younger, and then when she is ready to settle down, she goes for the nice guy. I am not wealthy, so I am not cougar bait. But I have an awful lot of women in their thirties flirt with me and tell me that I am a really nice guy. Why don't girls in their 20's do that?
I was recently talking to a friend about dating. This is one of the things I am horribly at fault of getting discouraged to easily. I can talk myself out of it before I even start. I know nothing good comes easy and that things are worth fighting for. And believe me, I would happily fight for these things. But, for me, there is so much heartache and past pains, that it is difficult for me to put my self on the line. I fear the rejection, and instead of assuming success when I ask, I assume failure. That makes it so hard for me. I know women like confidence. I understand that. I have confidence in everything but that, and yet, that is what they base it off of. So, I get discouraged.
Even if I start something, and there is a bump, or i get a feeling they may not be interested, I give up and never follow through. I know I have missed opportunities because of this. I also have the problem of thinking dating is more then dating. I get so caught in the romantic side of life, I forget about the real side. People go on lots of dates with lots of people, then if there is someone they like, they go on lots of dates before they are a couple.
I admit, that I have the prince charming fantasy too. Not that a prince charming comes and gets me, but I am that prince charming, and I find the beautiful princess, and I take her and ride off into the sunset. Girls have their idea of a prince charming (probably not a bald guy that is growing a beard-for warmth), but Guys have their ideas of princesses too. Though the sad reality is that most of what guys consider princesses are totally the opposite, and the guys that girls want to believe are the prince charming are just assholes with a pretty face that dont care. That discourages me too. I may not fit that look mold of a prince, but I am that romantic prince at heart. I would sweep a woman off her feet.
That is another thing I am working on changing. If there is something that I want, or some girl I want to date or take out, I am going to try to not stop trying to, until I know it is time to stop trying to (how will I know... well, I am sure I'll figure it out). I am going to try to not let the little road blocks get in my way and discourage me like I always have in the past. I am going to try to not let my mind think the worst. I am going to try to think positively and assume a yes. I am a pretty good guy and I need to stop thinking I'd be lucky to have her, but she'd be lucky to have me... Ok, well, thats not how I really feel, I think it goes both ways, in which we'd be lucky to have eachother.
I need to be like Will Smith in Hitch. Heck, I could use a Hitch. Someone to help show me the error of my ways. I have had guys tell me that they'd take me out and help me get laid...But unlike a lot of guys, thats not what I want. If I wanted to do that, I probably could. People can do what suits them, and that is fine by me. Men and women. That is just not what I am wanting right now.
Back to the topic, discouragement. I am going to try to take the dis out of discourage. Then I will have the courage to follow through... in romance, business, and life.
Final Thought. It is funny. People always say that a woman wants the bad boy when she is younger, and then when she is ready to settle down, she goes for the nice guy. I am not wealthy, so I am not cougar bait. But I have an awful lot of women in their thirties flirt with me and tell me that I am a really nice guy. Why don't girls in their 20's do that?
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